Especially for Friends

I asked, "What can a friend do to make you happy." It's obvious that forgetting and not loving you at all won't do and won't work for me but if it will really, really, really make you happy then you are free to think of it that way (that I've forgotten you and I don't love you anymore).

Consequences of asking me to forget what I feel for you and just being friends with me would be

• you will only receive calls limited to once every month or 2 months or a year maybe unless you call
  
• a text/message only when you're going or arriving from a faraway place that is if you inform me or you send first the message (being in love makes you do things that you don't usually do txting the whole day would be a chore if you're just a friend)
  
• an email in... well, I don't usually email friends :)
• you'll be the one reminding me of your birthday and any other important dates for that matter (I tend to forget dates easily)
  
• no more random and sloppy jokes
  
• no more walking together under the rain (I'll just do it myself)
  
• no more surprise visits and little presents (Wouldn't it be nice if I receive those, too?)
  
• no more "I miss you"'s and "I love you"'s because friends don't normally utter those words (ouch! I would surely miss saying, reading and hearing those words..)
  
• no more long night talks of sweet nothings
  
• no more plans of secret getaways, late night meetings and sleepovers (No more adrenaline rush?)
  
• no more kisses, embraces, cuddles and hmmm... (When was the last time? I'm already missing these more than you know)
  
• of course, you won't hear me complain how jealous I am and how painful it is (happy?)
  
• before I forgot, no more dedicated mobile phone and email (friends don't usually have dedicated mobile phones and emails for each of their friends)
• and no more hoping we can live together happily someday (Friends would love you to live with the one you love and not with friends only :)...
  

You see, there are too much I need myself to accustom with (and lots more I don't need to write down) and will surely miss doing by becoming just a friend to you but if that's the only way I can make you happy then I'd rather miss doing those things than make you unhappy again...

Bye Love, hello Friend. I wish you'd be truly happy now...

(Easy to say, hard to do. Not sure where I'd get the strength to pull this through, I'll just love you in silence, deal silently with my pain, try to be a good friend and help you achieve your resolution.)

Tell Me How

How can you say it's OK not to see her if the first thing that comes to your mind when you wake up is her face?
How can you show affection to someone if your heart longs for her only?
How can stop yourself from saying "I miss you" when all you can do is think of her?
How can you not say "I love you"when all you want to do is to be with her?
How can you keep all the endearing words and be in silence if there's too much you wanted to tell her?

How can you let go of someone you love too much because she says it is what will make her happy?

Copyright ©Missy 2009 All Rights Reserved

Inspiration for Blogging

The inspiration for this blog is a woman, that as of this writing, I am passionately in love with. I dream of living a life with her in the future (that is, if she will appreciate and be happy living with me). If not, then I'll just keep writing on until I have poured all my emotions until there's nothing more to say because she's not there anymore.

Posts may or may not be fictional. Thanks for reading and would appreciate you sharing your thoughts..

Holding On Or Letting Go

It's way past midnight. Soon, it will be morning but I am still up. Still trying to "normalize" my system. On second thought, am I normalizing? Or, am I just experiencing withdrawal symptoms from an addictive drug that I have taken lately. Without the drug, breathing seems to stop.

I always wondered how it would feel to meet someone I cared for in the past that I wanted to meet them once again. Then, I recently got acquainted with some because of technology. I guess years did some magic and erased whatever pain there was. But some people, just like me, are just to stubborn.

"If you could turn back time, would you have stayed?". A question.

"Maybe not." The only answer I can give thinking I did have stayed and nurtured the pain when they left. I am over it.

I could have answered differently but drooling over a spilled milk won't change a thing anymore. No one's to be blame. Besides, emotions do change over time. I search for that familiar feeling of being in love yet I don't find it anymore. Pain? Like I've said, not a trace. Just like a story written that I will read over and over again because of its content but I have known I can live without it cause there are other stories to read.

Perhaps, they have not move on.

Or perhaps the hardest part of letting go is holding on that they temporarily forgot to let go.

So, should I just let it go like before or should I hold on to it now?

Table Napkin Notes

Some notes I've written on a table napkin while on a meeting that went well although my mind was about someone somewhere with someone else... yeah, it's complicated.

Sobrang nasaktan ako dahil minahal kita ng totoo, sobra-sobra sa kaya kong sigurong ibigay o naibigay sa kanino man. Parang naging manhid ng ilang araw, pilit na huwag makaramdam ng anuman at ngayon lang parang gustong tumulo ang mga luha.

Sabihin mo sa akin paano ko babalewalain at kalimutan na lang ang nararamdaman ko para sa iyo. Turuan mo akong maging masaya ulit ng walang halong pagkukunwari sa harap ng ibang tao kahit na wala na tayo, na magmahal ng iba at sa tingin ay siyang nararapat kahit na ikaw ang gusto kong makakasama, hinahanap ng puso at isip ko. Turuan mo akong huwag ka ng hanapin pa.

Gusto kitang pigilan pero hindi ko alam kung papaano. Papipigil ka kaya? Mahal mo pa kaya ako? Di ko maipapangakong di kita masasaktan gaya ng alam mong masasaktan mo rin ako. Pero gaya ng tanong mo sa akin dati, "Mas maging masaya kaya ako kung ito ang pipiliin ko, kung kalimutan na lang ang nararamdaman ko? Ano nga ba ang dapat? Hanggang dito na nga lang ba?

Ah... love, when we love, why can't we think straight? It's only when we are already in pain that somehow our mind tries to control what our heart feels? So corny, so dramatic. What can I do, this is what I feel. And maybe, you feel the same(?). Or, others may feel if they are in the same situation as we are in right now.

Why Do I Love The Rain

"Love, why do you love the rain?"

"I love the rain because it was rainy season when our love story started."

"I love the rain because it reminds me of you, walking through the rain late at night just to see me. The first time I told myself I do love you..."

"I love the rain because it reminds me of how you kept the umbrella open even when we were already under the shade just so we could hold each other closer..."

"I love the rain because of the many times you've scolded me for coming even if it was raining..."

"I love the rain because of the moments we have shared together under the rain."

"I would always wish for a rain when I miss you because it's like you are just near, whispering how you miss me and love me..."

"And I would always love the rain for it can hide the tears when I am feeling down..."


How about you Love? Don't you love the rain? :)



Copyright ©Missy 2009 All Rights Reserved

Be The One

I love you and i do miss you so often
That a day is just too long without hearing your voice,
Most especially when I can't see you.

I love you so much
That even 'I love you' can't fully express how I feel for you
What have you done love
That made me love you so much?

Love, I do love you so much
And have never felt so in love like I am now with you.
If it is true that I do get what I want
Then I want to have you just for myself.

Be the one beside you every day and kissed by you every waking moment and no one else,
Be the only one to be loved and cared for by you and no one else,
Be the only one whom you will whisper "I love you" and "I miss you" and no one else,
Be the only one you will lay your eyes upon and no one else
Be the only one in your life and no one else...

Just the two of us and no other else.


Copyright ©Missy 2009 All Rights Reserved

Missing You

Under the spirit of wine, it's just to hard to hide this feeling of missing you, of longing to be with you, of wanting to hear your voice, of wishing I could touch you to know that you are still there loving me like you did the first time...

I miss you so much, love...

Choices

Life, as it is, is full of choices. When you told me you love me, I was thinking straight and laid out the choices for you; friendship or love. You chose love and so did I. We both know it will not be an easy road but we are hard-headed people. You've shown how you love me and so did I. Guess I've overdone it sometimes. In such a short time, there were individual choices that we disagreed on causing pain to both of us (or is it just for me?)

You know that, for me, a day is like a month without your presence. But this time, I am trying to ignore the feeling that I miss you so much and pretending it's a very long weekend. I did checked messages a hundred times but you made the choice not to send one or communicate with me. All I have to remind me of you are your texts and the memories of the times we're together.

You have your own reasons for ignoring me, I guess. Could it be your waiting for me to make the first move? Or, could it be that you've grown tired and given up on this messy and complicated relationship?

If that's the case then, like I've said before, I won't stop you from leaving. Maybe I anticipated our love won't last long when I read the signs so I took and use every opportunity to show how much I care and love you. That way, I don't have any regrets whatsoever if it ends as easily as it started. Did I read the signs incorrectly blinded with jealousy?

If it's waking up time from a dream then I do wish you happiness. I love you so much and I hope I left you memories to remember me by; material, new experiences, new emotions. Maybe, we'll see each other again in the future. Till then... (still hoping it will be sooner cause I would surely miss you )

Pain in Loving

What's the use of an email if you don't receive any message? What's the use of a mobile phone if you don't receive any call? What's the use of loving someone if that love is causing you so much pain? Is pain always a part of loving? How long can you hold on to the pain so you can hold on to the love you thought would make you feel happier? Is it worth it?